I Don't Know Love

"By the grace of whom do we keep searching this vast dying land for one love?"

I’ve always loved you

I’ve measured the consequences of an imagination,

So grand and encompassing.

Adapting to hard faced situations with a mind keen to stay intact and negotiate the terms of circumstance.

Love long lost, but love so familiar.

Something I’ve never had, yet long so deeply for…

I feel like I know you, like an old friend.

We’ve walked this road together, side by side, yet we’ve never met.

I am clueless to your caveats and peculiarities.

I know you by name but not by meaning.

I’ve salvaged the ruin of my heart and picture you dissolving all my pain and misery.

Am I in vain?

I’ve had my heart broken by you without you even knowing my name.

I’ve built up a level of comfort so passionate and altruistic that I couldn’t afford to let you go.

Maybe I’m insane, creating dreams and fairy tales as the world drowns in pain around me.

But that’s my float.

You’re my savior, yet we’ve never touched.

You’ve never seen my face. How could you have?

I’ve never really felt you.

Only fantasized about your presence in my life.

How false I’ve been living.

How secret has my longing for you been?

Is it just me?

Am I the only one who hasn’t felt you?

Am I the only one who hasn’t received you?

I watch you fruitlessly, for you’ll never notice me.

I seek you out to no champion, for you run when I finally muster the courage to face you.

Oh, how I admire you but I don’t truly know a thing about you.

‘I’d fall and you’d catch me’, is the belief I’ve carried with me.

But I forget, that’s only in my head.

It’s not really you and it’s not really me.

I see others who know you well,

Who are comforted by your truth and lust.

But I have not gained such a standing.

I envy them and retreat back into the home my head holds.

Back into the place I can know you and feel you as if you were my own.

Maybe I will someday, when I finally escape the echoing chambers of my mind

And partake in the world as it turns round.

We’ll see.

I don’t have the courage yet.

I’m not ready to meet one as powerful as you, love.