I'm Just a Liar

What do you say to convince yourself that you're a good person?

I’m a faker

I want people to think I’m a giver but I’m a taker.

I’m rude

I’m judgmental

I leave no room for opposing opinion

I boast openness but build up a wall around my heart so thickly layered not even a god could break through.

I act scared of being alone but I push everyone away.

I give advice and don’t take it.

I’m a venomous horrible unsatisfied bitch.

I say “I have high expectations” but that’s just another excuse for me to be closed off and exclusive.

I’m repulsive, negative, and toxic.

I want people to comfort my tears and give me attention when I fall.

“Pity me!” “Look at my fall!” “Watch me struggle!”

Who creates that struggle though?

It’s not the ones I blame my problems on.

It’s little old me, poor pathetic me.

Ask “what do I need?” And I don’t know how to answer but then I turn around and cry about how I’ll always be alone and no one ever meets my standards.

I’m vicious and tyrannical.

A controlling and abusive friend.

“Look at me!” I beg.

I act independent like a lone wolf but if I didn’t have people I’d die.

I’m dependent, needy, and insecure.

I don’t know who I am because I put my personality in everyone else.

Why else is it so easy for me to change my style with different friends.

Change the way I talk.

Have you dazzled them yet, you two faced bitch?

Do they love you?

Oh but how could they, they don’t even know who you are.

Because you don’t know.

You’ve never known.

You’re not confident.

You’ve just found some new friends to obsess over and transform into.

You’re blatantly psychotic.

Caught in your own crossfire.

A disappointment to yourself.

Trapped in a mind maze you created.

Running into walls you created with your own hands.

You’re a beast, tearing worlds apart and abusing power.

You’re cheap.

Disgusting.

You beg to be validated by people who don’t give a shit whether you live or die.

Hell, you don’t give a shit!

What do you want?

You do whatever the world tells you to do and claim to be original.

You’re just an uninspired chump.

Constantly spiraling, constantly on the verge of psychosis.

Even your writing is a wasted lie.

You flow with measure stolen from someone else.

You take everything from everyone and move onto the next, leaving them hurt and used.

No one understands you?

Fuck, neither do you.

Your heads spinning all the time and you can never organize your thoughts.

You’re chaotic and filled with contradictions.

And if they made it that far into your head what is there to understand?

Your constant need to use people?

Your constant need to be everyone else?

Open minded? No just a fucking clone stealing the worlds ideas and making yourself into them.

You don’t know where you stand.

You don’t know what you want.

And you don’t know who you are.

You’re nothing but a whimsical child posing in train tracks, hoping to get ran over yet yelling to be saved.

So stop complaining if you’re just going to keep creating problems to complain about.

The person who creates the cycle doesn’t get to call it vicious.

Let go of all this and maybe just maybe there is a chance you might find yourself behind all the masks.